Possibilities

...I'd disgustingly live up to the full meaning of my name.



~~~

Losing...

my mind
my sleep
my time
my age

...but it's not a complete and total waste.

~~~

Continuous

I'm so tired.

This week will be strange.

How strange? I won't know til it hits me.

Anyway...
...I've been busy...

You know...the usual...
with things and awesome people (:

~~~

Still Life in Motion

I'm going to bed blissfully content in my hand-me-down Beatles shirt tonight.

Time to breathe.

My day began at 7:00 am and ended a couple of seconds ago. From giving tours, modeling, and ultimately spending time with my friends shooting, I have no regrets. Getting paid and spending the evening with two of my best is the most awesome reward anyone could ever receive at the end of the week. Who cares if my weekends turn into weekdays? I love this workaholic feeling.

~~~

Why Can't They Just Catch that Thing?

I almost dropped one of the classes that brought the absolute best in me.

Test shot.

Needless to say, my morning started off like last quarter's with bathroom issues. I honestly thought I was done with things like this, but I guess not.

Before I performed, I told Brooke that I was going to have to drop my Acting for Films class since having two shooting courses, two jobs, and two other electives turns me into a workaholic faster than a bullet train. But hey, who's to say that working so much isn't a good thing? Gets me out of trouble, leaves me out of trouble, misery, and my dreaded one-woman conversations. Anyway, came into class, did my skit. Got praised. Got critiqued (3rd and last critique for the week). Offered a part in a movie. Offered a part in another skit.

I forgot how much I loved being in the limelight. I am no diva since it is a stated fact that I am Queen Supreme.

I kiiiiiiiiidd.

I returned to the other side of building 7...my home. Test shots and shiz happened...shiz meaning turning normal vision into Nyquil vision, breaking my vase (because of passing by Bad-Mojo-Baba), and needing to leave the building for a fire alarm (also caused by Bad-Mojo-Baba).

Nyquil vision.


~~~

Surprise in a Box

Another 12 hour day for me, but hey, it's keeping me on track. Just as long as unwanted people with bad mojos are clear out of my way, I am perfectly fine with my long day.

Highlight of my day wouldn't be the new found ability to write "pretentious teapot" in italic calligraphy. Nope. It would be the two kittens in a box that Jenny, the catitarian, was able to save. Here's the one I almost took home:

(Yay for ****ty phone pics and boob shots).

I named her Peanutbutter since she reminded me of Michelle's weird concoction of peanut butter on Oreos. I didn't want to let her go. But alas, Peanutbutter and I had to part. The poor thing was scared and hungry that she started sucking on my thumb while she shivered.

~~~

Just Like Every Other Modern Outtake of Emotional Fine Art

It's comical, but this is exactly how it goes...

I got stuck with one body. A body that had its routine, it's humdrum life, and it's boundary. I stayed in the boundary for awhile, not wanting to cross over or break away, barely wanting to question (though secretly questioning) anything and anyone. The sun made its cycle. Months passed, weeks passed, and the day after the 16th happened, and school started. Between the lines and between the time, something broke. It kinda scattered into jagged shards somewhere along the boundaries that made it easier for me to hop out. I'm still aware of my boundaries, but sure enough I'm not living in them anymore.
People have noticed change. People have commented on my change. It's plain and simple:
I go about looking "put together" so I can feel put together...eventually making me put together.

I think therefore I am.

It's far from pretending and acting. It boosts your self-esteem and helps you off your feet when you were knocked down by the same damn stick that knocked you before. It makes you justify the cheery disposition everyone seems to see you as, and it makes them enjoy you as a person. No one likes a sourpuss. There's a time and place to be quiet, be tired, and to cry (which is usually behind a two-inch-thick door).

If there's another thing I learned, it's to not fall into believing the confident who have nothing to back their confidence with. They usually say things to make themselves feel better since they're actually lacking in the very things that they think they have. If they also call you an emotional wreck, don't believe them. When they do, beat them up until they cry and use that same ugly term they used on you.

That's all. We need at least one emotional update for a month don't we?

~~~

Seeing Through Gray

So it's a requirement to be sick twice a year...at least, that's what my body says.
That said, it's fall season sickness. No worries darlings! No piggie sniffles here. It's just regular sniffles and regular aching, which could have been caused by both the sickness and kickboxing.

Either way, I'm chipper than ever (for God knows why). I've managed to make a mental chart of what to avoid and what to welcome, what to risk and what to keep, what to keep and what to let go.

~

My only wonder for today is this: Is pomposity more of a characteristic or a lifestyle?
If someone has the answer, don't hesitate to respond below.

Oh and I named my Madewell sunglasses Pompadoodoo. That should explain the posted picture even further.

~~~

6

A brief recap of today...

Ideas scrapped. Kick boxed. Bumped into the photo department's unlucky charm twice today (as compared to yesterday's overload of hate). Shot my entire project in the studio. Made it smell like peppermints and squid. Had one major case of cabin fever. Got home half an hour ago. Used up my first After Hours evar.

Oh, and pizza.

~~~

Broken...

....candy.

I bleed sugar. Can you?

~~~

Squirrels and Nuts

I feel like such a cocky little bitch whenever I have those Madewell glasses on. But hey, I broke the rest of my pairs so this is what's left.

At the studio again...shooting. Tyler was on the other side trying to say the word "Alan." After we both got frustrated with shooting, we shot pink foam.

Fun? Kinda.

~~~

I Love Tuesdays

So Tuesdays are different.

It doesn't reek as bad as Monday even though they're both 12 hour school'n'work days.
It's usually a day for my first form of therapy.

[Some of my work might decide to make
an appearance on my canvas wall
if i like the way they look. Who knows.]

Calligraphy gives me a break from photography. A healthy temporary break.
Having two shooting courses does wear you down and I needed a class I could breeze through that will put me at peace simultaneously. This course was the clear cut answer.

I love my professor. She's probably one of the many reasons for why I'm thinking of taking Calligraphy for the next two quarters. The way she describes letters are more than amusing. Examples are the following:

"Sexy little slice."

(describing the space between the dip of the letter 'u' and the line of it)

"You want a perky bowl."

(describing the swoop of the letter 'e' which, by the way, I'm not fond of writing out of all the letters we did today)




~~~

Under the Clouds

An encore for self consciousness. It ate the rest of the self-esteem I managed to build a few weeks ago. And, I'm finding myself under the weather with KT Tunstall as DJ.

Between the food and people (the ones I managed to dump the woes of the day on), I've gotten by in my quaint office space on the second floor.

Patti Ambrogi came in and for some impulsive reason, I told her a good portion of my uneasiness. This is what she had to say:

"You know, it's all about self forgiveness. I had to learn that for 50 years. There is no point of beating yourself up. You'll get tired of it eventually and realize that you're more worth it than you think.

See those clouds and how fast they're moving? Put your grievances on one of them and let them go."

Mind you, I was listening to her while I was eating the piece of chocolate mousse cake Kyle dropped off for me.

After work, I started freaking out about our light and manipulation project. No surprise there. Came into the studio and took time to bother Brooke and Tyler. Entered mine and did a few breathing exercises after lugging in a box full of scrap wood from Derin's locker. Here's an outtake:

Not my final one obviously. Koehl came in and talked for awhile, breaking the vicious cycle of talking to myself in the studio.


~~~

The Problem...

...is I spend too much money.


$60 sewing machine
( it folds in to turn into a table; pedal is pushed by the knee)


$50 worth of novels


I do need to treat myself every once in awhile. You know, besides indulging in vanity.


~~~

I'll Teach You All This in Eight (Frilly) Steps...

...a course of a lifetime you'll never forget. Alanis Morissette

As Nate said when he pieced the ruffles of my blouse:

a princess gone wrong.


~~~